Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
