Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You've changed since you got that strap on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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