the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
