chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
