I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
