i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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