mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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