I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
