he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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