i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
