i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
