She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
