I will die if light touches me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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