I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
