I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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