I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
