I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
