somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
