just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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