She went from zero to smokin in five shots
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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