Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
