Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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