my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
