you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's like iHOP with fire
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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