Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
