And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
