We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
