awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
