i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My pussy is not your playground.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
