that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is my gift to your gina
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
