We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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