Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
