How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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