No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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