I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
