On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
