I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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