So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
