Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
