I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
