You really coming over, don't trick.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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