Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
