I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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