It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
