this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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