Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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