it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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