my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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