you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
