I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
