party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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