Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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