like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
