i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
